Horse Resolutions for the New Year:

* I CAN walk and poop at the same time. I can, I can, I can
* I will NOT stop and poop or urinate every time I pass the same spot in the arena.
* I will NOT leave when my rider falls off.
* My stall is NOT my litter box. When I have free access to my paddock, I will NOT go
   back inside to pee.
* I will NOT roll in streams or try to roll when my human is on my back.
* I will NOT leap over large nonexistent obstacles when the whim strikes.
* I will NOT walk faster on the way home than I did on the way out.
* I promise NOT to swish my tail while my human is cleaning my back feet.
* I promise also NOT to choose that particular time to answer nature's call.
* I will NOT bite my farrier's butt just because it's there.
* I will NOT confuse my human's blond hair for really soft hay.
* I will NOT wipe green slime down the back of my human's white shirt.
* I will NOT blow my nose on my human.
* I will NOT try to mooch goodies off every human within 1 mile radius.
* I will NOT lay totally flat out in my stall with my eyes glazed over and my legs straight
   out and pretend I can't hear my human frantically screaming "Are you asleep?"
* I will NOT chase the ponies into the electric fence to see if it is on.
* I will promise NEVER to dump the wheelbarrow of manure over while my human is mucking my stall.
* I will NOT grab my lead rope in my mouth and attempt to lead myself.
* I will NOT have an attitude problem. I won't, I won't, I won't!
* I will NOT pull my new shoes off the very next day just to prove that I can.
* I am neither a beaver nor a carpenter. I promise I won't eat or remodel the barn or the new fences.
* I am NOT a Shin'a'in Battlesteed. I will not act like one.
* I WILL forgive my human for the very bad haircut, even though I Iook like a freak.
* I accept that not every carrot is for me.
* I will NOT do the Arab Teleport Trick when a bad/naughty/awful Horsasaurus Monster breathes at me.
* I will NOT jump in the air, turn 180 degrees every time I see a deer.
* I will understand that deer are NOT carnivorous.
* I will NOT shy at familiar objects just for fun.
* I will NOT bite the butt of the horse in front of me during the trail ride just to say "Hi".
* I WILL put my ears forward and cooperate when it comes to photos.